


Shrek Baby Shrek, Show Me Your Layers

by shrek



Category: David Bowie (Musician), Sherlock (TV), Shrek Series
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Mpreg, ogroot, shrekbowie, somewhere ogre the rainbow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 02:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2293286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>shrek/david bowie</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Somewhere Ogre The Rainbow

David Bowie was in his home office/studio, seated in a grey computer chair at his desk. He turned on his old 1990s computer and huge CRT monitor and waited for Windows to start up. As he sat and waited, David looked out the window across the room. In the distance, he saw Shrek, who was wearing his blue jean ogrealls and nothing more as he was onion farming outside. Shrek put down his hoe for a moment and wiped the sweat off his forehead. One strap of his ogrealls became undone, and David became incredibly aroused. He considered jumping out the window and Shreking It Up with Shrek right in the onion field, but he knew Shrek would be mad. The last thing one would want to do is feel the wrath of an ogre. 

When the computer finally loaded up, David Bowie opened up Notepad. He began to write a new song, " _Somewhere Ogre The Rainbow_ ", when a purple monkey appeared on the screen. 

"Hello! I am Bonzi Buddy!" the computer speakers blared at full volume. David Bowie screamed. 

"What the hell!!" he said, and then unplugged his computer. David sighed and put his hand on his forehead. "I'll never finish this song.." Shrek ran into the room. 

"David, is somethin' wrong?" he said with his thick Ogre accent. David lifted up his head to look at Shrek and immediately felt better. 

"No, nothing's wrong, dear. Not since you're here." he replied to the ogre. 

Shrek smiled and ate an entire onion. "Would ya like one?" he asked David. 

David grimaced. As much as he loved Shrek, there were some things about the ogre that he couldn't stand. "No." he simply replied. 

David Bowie got out his typewriter and started again on writing "Somewhere Ogre The Rainbow". Shrek took another onion out of the pocket of his ogrealls and walked closer to David.   
"Oh god..." David Bowie thought to himself "I hope he doesn't try to sit on the desk again"

Shrek batted his eyelashes and seductively took a bite of his onion. He undid his ogreall straps and sat on David's computer desk.

Before David Bowie could even yell "NO!", the whole computer desk collapsed under Shrek's weight and his computer was destroyed. 

"DAMN IT, SHREK!" David shouted, "NOT AGAIN!!"

Shrek looked ogre at David with an expression that said "forgive me".

David didn't let go of his frown. "Don't think you can just look at me and.." Shrek started to take off his high heels. "When did you get those on?" David asked.

Shrek just winked. "Shrek... What are you.." Shrek pressed his lips on David's mouth. David thought he might suffocate on the ogrewhelming stench of onions. Shrek picked David up and carried him to their bedroom. 

The ogre threw David Bowie on to their bed. "Careful!" David Bowie warned. 

Shrek just winked. "It's not ogre yet" he said as he stripped down to his bra and assless chaps. Nothing gets David off more than the sight of Shrek in assless chaps.

"Be gentle with me, Shrek. My ass is still covered in warts from the last time we Shreked It Up." David said. 

Shrek's Pickle was hard and crisp from the thought of David Bowie's ass warts. Shrek ripped David's clothes off of him. "Hey, that was my favorite shirt!" David told Shrek. 

"All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom!" Shrek yelled as he turned David over and slapped his wart-covered ass. He spread his ass cheeks for Shrek. 

"I'M GOING IN DRY" Shrek yelled. 

David replied "I'm ready!", but suddenly he couldn't feel Shrek anymore. He turned around. Shrek was gone! "...Shrek? Where have you gone? I thought you were going in dry? Shrek?"

David Bowie received no reply. "What the shrek.."  
Shrek awoke in a dark room. "What the!! Where am I?" he yelled. Shrek roared a mighty ogre roar. He tried to leave, but he was chained and handcuffed. "David!! I told you you're not allowed to Dom! Let me out of here or you're going to be punished! And not in a Shreksy way!" Shrek sat back down. 

"Shrek.. I have finally captured the Ogre!" someone called out. It was Lord Farquaad. Shrek was in Lord Farquaad's dungeon. Shrek was so full of rage that he became the incredible Shrulk and broke through the chains. "IT'S ALL OGRE NOW, FUCK WAD!" 

"It's Farquaad." the little man responded.

Shrek used his Super Shrek Smash to crush Lord Farquaad once and for all. It was truly all ogre now. Shrek smashed through the castle walls and went back to his swamp. "Honey, I'm home!" Shrek announced as he came inside. David was crying. 

"It's okay, Dave. I'm here." Shrek told David Bowie, but he didn't stop crying. "Oh, it's because of the onions, isn't it?"

"No, Shrek," David said through his tears, "I'm pregnant!" 

Shrek gasped. "Why are ya cryin', lad? That's great!"

"Shrek.." David started to confess. 

"What?" Shrek asked.

"I'm not sure if it's yours." 

Shrek started to get angry again, when a UFO landed on the swamp. Both men went outside to investigate.

"DAMN ALIENS LANDED ON MY ONION FARM!" Shrek was furious and went over to the UFO. 

It was a stereotypical saucer-shaped UFO. The door opened and one strange-looking but stereotypical 'grey' alien started to come out. 

"Jawn! We're here. Aren't you coming? Jawn!" it said.

"No, Sherlock, I'm telling you.. This is not the right place!" his companion responded. 

"No, Jawn!! Jawwwn!!"

"Would you stop calling me Jawn? It's John!" 

"Jawwn!!" Shrek knocked the alien back into its ship before it could finish speaking and slammed the ships door shut. 

"THIS IS MY SWAMP!!" he screamed before he kicked their ship back into space like a football. 

"What happened, Shrek?" David asked. 

"Nothing. It's ogre now." 

"Good." David hoped Shrek had forgotten about what they'd said earlier. 

"Who's the father?" Shrek said. David gulped. 

"Well, you might be the father.." 

"Or? Who else is involved?"

David Bowie had slept with nearly everyone on the planet. He couldn't tell Shrek that. Besides, Shrek was his one true love. 

"I.." David started.

"WHO?" Shrek demaned.

"Lord Farquaad." 

Shrek nearly fainted and was full of rage.


	2. Son Of An Ogre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let the bodies hit the floor

Many months had passed by, and David was well into his pregnancy. 

"So I was thinking about naming him Farquaad Jr." 

Shrek was furious. "WHAT!!" 

David giggled. "I was just kidding, Shrekky. Come here, you"

\--------------

Shrek took off all his clothes except for his pink push-up bra. He was insecure about his floppy green tits. 

David looked down at Shrek's Big Green Pickle. "What the fuck"

"What?"

"Why have you got an onion ring on your cock?" 

The UFO from chapter 1 crashed through the roof. 

1 alien dropped out of the UFO door hatch on to the floor. Another one followed suit. A third one stayed behind, watching from the ship. 

"Moriarty! Why have you taken us back here?" the first alien SHerlock said.

"You're Sherlock Holmes! You tell me!" Moriarty said with a smug smile. 

Shrek grabbed Moriarty and farted in his face, killing him instantly. Sherlock choked. 

"Jawn!!!" Sherlock yelled as he grabbed John Watson from the ship, carrying his tiny body down to the floor with him. 

Shrek turned on his stereo and blasted "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor". "Alright, who's ready for a super Shrek slam?" 

Sherlock and "Jawn" looked frightened. Shrek whisper-yelled "THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU RUN AWAY!"

"Wait! I have to tell you something." Sherlock said. "Shrek, you're pregnant"

\-----------------

David Bowie was 9 months along in his pregnancy. He was ready to have this baby! 

Shrek was pretty far into his pregnancy as well. Ogre pregnancies accelerate faster than human ones. 

"We're going to have them together! I, I'm so" Shrek wiped a tear from his eye and got down on one knee. He opened his palm to reveal an onion ring. "David.. Will you marry me?" 

"Shrek!! Is that your cock-onion-ring?" 

Shrek slid the onion ring on to David's finger and kissed him gently. "Yes." 

David Bowie was disgusted. He loved Shrek no matter what. They got married and baby Ogroot and Michael Shrekson were born. Twins! 


End file.
